How I got here...
Where did my awakening begin?
When I jumped out of a moving car during a panic attack? When I realized just how unhappy I had become, trying to live a life that wasn't honoring my truest self. A life I helped co-create. A life that, to the outside world, looked pretty close to perfect.
But I had been quietly, or not so quietly suffering for over a decade (maybe three). I was barely keeping my head above the water. Childhood traumas followed by years of being in survival mode got me to my breaking point. I felt scared and alone and didn't even know how to take one step forward. I developed anxiety and I knew that trying to heal myself in an environment that was making me sick was nearly impossible - and at that point I decided I needed support. So I reached out to a friend and started working with my coach.
But let's back track a little. I was born and raised in South Africa. My family dynamics shifted when I was around 8yrs old. Up until then I had one younger brother, then I became one of 5 kids, and I was the only girl. It's possible that this was the pivotal moment I started to strengthen my skills in adaptability. As a child I don't recall living anywhere for more than 4yrs. By age 3O I had lived on 4 continents. Being adaptable is an honorable skill, until it becomes your tool for surviving (when you could be thriving.) Looking back, I was so good and 'fitting in', and I had learnt to be very highly attuned to my surroundings at all times. I moulded and adapted to keep the energy in a room feeling a certain way, it was a false sense of control and a way that felt safe. It was exhausting and I didn't even know I was doing it. In a relationship, I would completely lose site of myself. I became a by-product of my environment on the outside and sad and resentful on the inside. I was living in a state of hyper-vigilance and my nervous system was completely burnt out.
With presence, compassion, support, tools and inner reflection I've managed to completely reshape my world. I removed years and layers of armor that were suffocating me, and found the freedom that always existed within me.
And here's the part where I'm supposed to list all my accomplishments and certifications etc etc. But the truth is ALL that I know, all that I'm good at, all that has got me to here, has come from life experiences. Big, hard, life changing, capital "T" traumas, and beautiful, magical, once in a lifetime adventures. My holistic approach to life comes from my mother who always supported our bodies in the most natural way first. My passion for photography comes from my grandfather who was an incredible wildlife photographer in South Africa. My patience (or my desire to learn patience) comes from parenting my son.
That's me making a long story short, I believe when you've crawled out of hell there's a natural desire to turn around and help others out too... and the most powerful way to do this is not to tell someone how to do it; but to see their own strengths, help them to remember those strengths and then shine the light on the steps you've taken. I believe we each forge our own path, and together we can find yours.
